Done thoroughly, "but I really don't know" can pull the rug out from under our most cherished limiting beliefs. And, since virtually every train of thought has some implicit belief, when we question our thoughts, we question these beliefs.This is similar to the lessons in the Course In Miracles "My thoughts don't mean anything" and "I have given the meaning to everything I see".The advertising copy for the popular book, Dating for Dummies by Joy Brown is, "Whether you're young and haven't dated much or older and have been out of circulation so long you've forgotten how to flirt, dating can be intimidating."Youthful Inexperience or adult lack of recent practice, however, are not the central issues with dating anxiety.The core concerns are about the answers to the questions "Are they going to be good for me? " Both worries rear not only their ugly heads, but their ugly trunks and legs.His self-talk was something like "She's going to resent doing something for me and later be critical of me." For him, recognizing his anxiety at receiving was actually progress, because previously he had just avoided generous and loving women.He had been attracted to narcissistic women who "made everything all about them."Another woman, as she learned that her date seemed to be a great match for her became convinced that there must be something wrong with the picture.Dating, by its very nature, is a situation in which two people have not already committed to a permanent relationship.
The person she is interested in seems to be willing and able to meet her deepest needs.An example is a mother who buys new school clothes for the child while complaining that getting the clothes for the child means there is not enough money for the mother to buy anything new for herself.For every person the past experiences and the meanings made of those experiences are unique.Another scenario might be a father who gives an allowance for chores done while irritably lecturing that "money doesn't grow on trees", an ‘don't expect something for nothing' or "there are no free lunches." And the child associates receiving with being accused and seen as unworthy.The problem with these communications is not the lesson of non entitlement and the value of work.